dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
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it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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