I skipped work to stalk him.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
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You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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