im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
