My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
