I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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