my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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