I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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