Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
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If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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