I want to make a zoo with you.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
