I got chris browned last night
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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