Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
All I want is dick and wine.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
