marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
