i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
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