turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
