Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
