So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
