Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
