I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
