he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize