Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted