yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.