If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
His hands were made for my vagina.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha