last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person