You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
