Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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