He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
