Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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