Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
