I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I love having hate sex.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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