So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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