I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
