fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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