Will you blow on my dice?
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
