Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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