I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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