I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize