Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I must be too annoying 4 u.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
