tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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