I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
