How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
