she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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