We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
