but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
