I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
So vagazzling was a success
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
