We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
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Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
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There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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