Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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