your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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