He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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