barbara walters just said penis...
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
