The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
