Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
