I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
