She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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