he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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