the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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