Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
