I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
