i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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