Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
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Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
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Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize