i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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