Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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