If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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