You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize