After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
