dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Send help, water and tortillas.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
