Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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