just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
