i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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